Welcome to Declassified, a weekly column wanting on the lighter aspect of politics.

On the time of writing the British monarchy has collapsed, the palaces and crowns are being advertized on the market on Fb Market (with the earnings going to prop up the failing Scottish fishing trade) and the royals are in search of work and new locations to stay.

There’ll little question be a number of kilos left over to purchase Liz and Phil, and in addition Charles, good homes (perhaps even three bedrooms every and an ensuite rest room), Anne and Edward can transfer right into a semi-detached collectively, and Andrew can reside at his mom’s pleasure in Wandsworth.

However now that the Home of Windsor has been introduced down by the star of “The Boys and Women Information to Getting Down,” what is going to they do to herald extra cash?

Worry not, one other divisive Brit with questionable attitudes to foreigners — Nigel Farage — could have the reply. Farage this month stepped down because the chief of Reform UK, the rebranded Brexit Social gathering, to spend extra time standing on the seashores of Kent pointing at boats stuffed with migrants.

He’s additionally raking within the money after becoming a member of Cameo (the weird video-sharing platform, not the 1980s funk hitmakers).

Sure, for simply €82 (or £63 for those who want — talking of which, who’s going to be on the cash now that the royal household is completed? Adele? Mr. Bean? Rishi Sunak?) you may ask Farage to report a private message “for Mom’s Day, a birthday, a marriage, to shock any person. However I promise you, I’ll point out Brexit, I’ll point out Trump.” The best reward for somebody you despise.

European political figures have been gradual to get in on the personalised messaging act, however there are many (former) large names from the U.S. on the identical web site: ex-governor of Alaska Sarah “We gotta stand with our North Korean allies” Palin will report you a message for €163 (and for a similar sum of money you may get ex-Trump spokesman Sean Spicer); and short-lived White Home communications director Anthony Scaramucci expenses simply €45 per message.

EU figures are actually lacking out right here. Think about paying, say, €200 for Ursula von der Leyen to say “Completely satisfied birthday, I’ve triggered Article 16” (it will even be the one approach for the non-German media to talk to her); or handing over €150 to hurl insults on the EU in a Russian accent whereas overseas coverage chief Josep Borrell sits there smiling.

CAPTION COMPETITION

“Welcome to the primary government board assembly of the Convention on the Way forward for Europe.”

Are you able to do higher? E mail [email protected] or on Twitter @pdallisonesque

Final week we gave you this picture:

Thanks for all of the entries. Right here’s the very best from our postbag (there’s no prize aside from the reward of laughter, which I feel we will all agree is much extra beneficial than money or booze).

“Nicely, I’ve nonetheless obtained égalité and fraternité,” by Tom Morgan

Paul Dallison is POLITICO‘s slot information editor.

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